i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
