Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize