New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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