I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
