But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize