Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
