guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
