oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
try to milk me bitch
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
