this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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