we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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