I wish I only lived at night.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
