I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
