I just saw a hot homeless man
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
