like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
