I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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