There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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