I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
