can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how can u be prego again
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
