Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize