i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
