Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
As shirtless as possible
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
