i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
