think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
