Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
