Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
