In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
