New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we're making bets on your personal life
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
