Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
