So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
