Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
