you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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