Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
