I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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