He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
