he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
