you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
