i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You ruined the universe
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
