I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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