dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
