awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
