We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize