Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
