well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
