even my farts smell like vagina
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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