Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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