How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
