I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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