We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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