what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
worst night to have a conscience
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
