Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
so much tequila, so little girl.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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