Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You made out with two different species that night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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