New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
