Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
