If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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