Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
