Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
