so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
