yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
