Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
