Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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