he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Pants are for mortals
Randomize