Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
