if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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