he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
