and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
