he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize