Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
