the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
