I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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