watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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