it was like eating out sand paper
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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