Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
