Small penises have feelings too.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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