I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She said her name was "party"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
