I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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