The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
