Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
