She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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