So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
