Just mADE A PArabola og urine
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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