And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
