I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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