we have pet lesbian snakes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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