I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
