Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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