My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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