Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
