If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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