pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can you bring me the toilet please
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
