There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
