I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
