it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i've created a new STD.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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