So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just found a bag of teeth...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
