Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
