I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
