my mouth tastes like poor choices
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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