don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
