i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize