belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
