kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize