I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
