oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She's the barista slut.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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