watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
