you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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