My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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