Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
